She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
