I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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