boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
