why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
