I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
