when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
