Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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