how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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