I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
