Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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