i think my mom watched the whole time
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think weed is turning my hair brown
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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