I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
