Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize