I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
At least life still wants to fuck me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
