I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
