nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Sober January is a disaster.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
