shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
