i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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