Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
