well I can't set my house on fire every night
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
