Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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