your parents love me but you hate me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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