The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
