yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
