I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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