Having a random hookup so left but love u
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So here I am, sexting at work.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize