So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
