First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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