she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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