dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
