the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
