I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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