If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
