Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
