I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
