dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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