Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
