i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
