i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
True strength comes from lack of pants
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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