We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
