i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I could fuck to npr.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
