I think my vagina is haunted
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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