Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
