Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Bring me that man meat
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
