I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
