You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
