mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
