Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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