My room smells like vodka and shame
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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