WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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