Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
How external is "for external use only"?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
