then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
We smell like vodka and hangover
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