Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
