Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
