It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
well most of my day revolves around power hour
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
