he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
