The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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