So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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