I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
