I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
