I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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