If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
