You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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