Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
well you can't waste a boner
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
