I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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