There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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