Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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