I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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