Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
