omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
