not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
high people should be assigned attendants
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
