I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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